


heavy lies the crown

by MajorinMonster



Series: heavy lies the crown [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Gen, Polis, Season 2 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-03-12
Packaged: 2018-03-17 13:42:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3531401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MajorinMonster/pseuds/MajorinMonster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the wake of the Mount Weather mass killing Clarke seeks answers and companionship from someone who understands what it feels like to make the hard choices.</p>
            </blockquote>





	heavy lies the crown

**Author's Note:**

> Wow. What a finale huh? This is my first fic in the 100 universe so I hope you enjoy it. Some of the lore or details may be a little off because we still don't know massive amounts about what happened to Earth and because I'm a little lazy so I've gone off of what I can remember without doing lots of fact checking. Polis as described is just one version of what it could be.

Polis was nothing like Clarke had expected. Decrepit buildings stood on cracked cobbled ground, structures that touched the sky in tall lines. Despite the trees that had grown around automobiles and fallen fences, she had seen the tallest spires well before she’d come close enough to hear people or see activity. She was closer now, sat quietly on horseback with a single rucksack slung over one shoulder, contemplating the chalk line that separated the road she was on and what she assumed was the city boundaries. There were grounders in the trees and leaning against the outer walls of the city, armed to the teeth and watching her. They made no attempt to hide, but that wasn’t exactly surprising. She’d felt eyes on her for about a mile now so they probably knew she was travelling alone, and her single gun was tucked safely into the back of her pants.

It hadn’t taken her long to realise that wandering around the forest wasn’t quite the smartest idea when she had no food, no water and only a single gun for protection. She couldn’t go back to the Ark though. Her resolve had crumbled slightly already and she knew that she might break if she spent too much time looking at her friends, her mom and everyone she’d lost pieces of herself to protect. Instead she had turned towards the camp where Finn had signed his own death warrant. She doubted Lexa’s army would stick around now and it wouldn’t be hard to scavenge for supplies if there was no one there. She’d found some salvageable bits, a blanket, a large rucksack type bag, two abandoned water bottles and a horse. She wasn’t quite sure why there would be a horse in the middle of an empty village but it watched her from it’s pen like it’d known she was coming. It looked suspiciously like the horse that Lexa had taught her to ride on. Lexa. Clarke swallowed past the lump in her throat, blinked her dry eyes once and gently nudged the horse forward so that they could take the final step over the boundary. No one moved. Even the wind seemed to be holding it’s breath as she waited to see if she’d finally find out what a spear through the chest felt like.

She waited another minute, counting the seconds in her head, before encouraging the horse into a second step, then a third, a fourth, until finally they were moving forward towards the gates faster, as Clarke sat as calmly as possible, heart in her throat. And still no one moved to stop her. No one told her to back off, no one brandished a weapon in her face. At first she wondered if she was just going to be allowed to walk straight into Polis with no one saying a word. She wondered if it was her clothes, her gloves, or the dirt and scrapes on her face, maybe even the presence of the horse, that maybe they mistook her for a gounder. Even she had noticed less and less of a divide when she stood next to Lexa or Lincoln, maybe they were picking up on that.

But before she could consider it any further one of the grounders who had been leaning against a post to her left stood up straight. “You are Clarke of the Sky People?” His words were rusty, like he hadn’t quite learnt how to wrap his tongue around them yet. The horse stopped automatically. Clarke blinked at him for a moment and then nodded once. Her heart thumped heavy in her chest and she could hear the blood pounding in her ears. “We’ve been wondering when you would show up.” The grounder jerked his head at one of his companions, a dark skinned woman with intricate braids pulled back with a thin strip of fabric. She stepped forward, face impassive.

“How did you even know I was coming?” Clarke’s eyes were narrowed, her hand itching to reach for her gun. She’d only ever talked about Polis with Lexa a few times in private, and only once with Lincoln, to casually ask directions on the walk back from the mountain to camp Jaha.

“The Commander,” The woman spoke for the first time, her voice was smoother, her accent more like Lexa’s. She was watching Clarke with the same look on her face that one might direct at a particularly smelly pile of dung.

“Lexa is here?” Her sudden urge to run clashed with the need to seek out the other girl and Clarke swayed where she sat for a second.

“The Commander,” The woman stressed, “Said that you might come. She described your appearance and said you weren’t to be harmed, that you might be riding horseback on a brown mare,” She raised an eyebrow here, “I thought you’d be...taller,”

“Err,” Clarke was still reeling slightly. Sure she’d assumed that Lexa might turn up in Polis eventually, it was why she’d headed there in the first place, but she hadn’t really considered that she’d have arrived ahead of Clarke. She hadn’t really considered much actually, including how the Grounders would react to her or if she’d even be allowed in. Or if they’d speak the same language as her. Clarke tried not to blush, realising a little too late that she really had no idea what she was walking into and it probably hadn’t been the smartest idea to come alone without telling anyone where she was going. She’d been too wrapped up in grief, guilt and lonely anger to really consider the consequences of where she was going.

“Come,” The woman turned abruptly, clearly expecting Clarke to follow her. Surrounded as she was, Clarke didn’t exactly have much of a choice. “I am Rena and I will take you to the Commander. The horse will be looked after.” The man from before stepped forward, taking the reins from her hands with a slight tug and eyeing her expectantly. Clarke slid gracelessly from the horse, landing on the ground with a slight thump and pretending she didn’t notice has short she was compared to the men and women surrounding her. She let her fingers trail over the horse’s flank, hoping that Rena wasn’t lying and that the mare would be around if Clarke needed her again. _You’ve really sunk low_ , Clarke mused, _if a horse is your only ally in this mess._

“Wait…” Clarke frowned, “Lexa said I’d be with a horse? This specific horse?” If that wasn’t more than slightly suspicious Clarke didn’t know what was.

“Yes,” Rena hadn’t bothered to wait for her as she was sliding from the horse’s back and she was already far enough ahead that Clarke had to strain her ears slightly to hear what Rena had said. Rolling her eyes slightly, Clarke took one last look at the mare and then jogged to catch up.

“How?” Rena ignored her, quickening her pace slightly. Sighing, Clarke gave up trying to get any information out of the Grounder and glanced around. They were walking fast enough that she didn’t get an in-depth look at anything they passed but size of the buildings and the endless windows brought out the uneasiness that had been quietly resting at the back of her mind. The hair at the back of her neck prickled and the butterflies in her stomach kicked up their dancing a notch. Any number of people could be watching her from any of the numerous allies and holes in the walls. The city itself wasn’t as ruined as it looked from the outside and there were plenty of places to hide. While many of the taller buildings had partially caved in or collapsed in some manner, most of the smaller ones were intact. Houses, Clarke guessed, maybe smaller shops and businesses. It reminded her a lot of the cities they’d studied in her Earth History classes but from what her teachers had said there were no remaining cities like this. Then again, Clarke frowned, her teachers hadn't exactly predicted the presence of other humans on the ground either so maybe it wasn’t all that surprising that things were different.

“In here,” Clarke stumbled slightly to avoid crashing into Rena’s back. They had made their way somewhere into the heart of the city, if Clarke had to guess, and they were stood outside of a building which was larger than a house but not as big as the surrounding buildings. There were large columns framing the front and sides, and Clarke wondered if the soot coloured stone had once been white. “Well go on then,” Rena was glaring at her. She muttered something under her breath and nodded at the door, a large half metal half wood slab that looked like it had seen better days and many repairs.

“Yeah,” Clarke cleared her throat, “Thanks,” Rena nodded again and then waited until Clarke started to move towards the large doors before turning and vanishing into an alcove Clarke hadn’t even noticed.

It was dark inside the building, most of the windows were covered by dark red cloth and the few candles that were dotted around provided little light to see by in a building with such high ceilings. Clarke paused as the door shut behind her, squinting as her eyes adjusted to the light levels. Her breath caught as she noticed the throne like chair in the middle of the back wall, positioned so that the light from the only unblocked window in the room fell directly across it. She moved another few steps into the door, glancing down at the floor and tapping it once with her foot. It was a material she’d seen back at Mt Weather but she had no idea what it was called. She ignored the familiar sting in her eyes and breathed out harshly through her nose. Would she ever be able to think of that place without wanting to curl herself up in blankets and cry? The odds weren’t good.

“You’re alive,”

“Lexa,” Clarke wondered if she should have been surprised that the Commander had hidden herself in the shadows at the back of the room, where it was too difficult to make out her shape. “Dramatic at always,” Lexa emerged from the shadows, her face free of the war paint and blood she had worn the last time they had seen each other.

“I didn’t know if you…” She pursed her lips and Clarke snorted.

“If I was dead?”

“We were forced to withdraw from the area because of the treaty, I could not leave scouts behind to check on you,” Lexa turned, her back to Clarke as she approached the throne. She didn’t sit though, just stood, one hand balanced on one of the protruding wooden spikes. Clarke started at her and wanted to feel something other than grief. She wanted anger, fiery hate. Something, anything, that wasn’t this big hole in her chest where her heart used to be.

“You left us,”

“I had to,” Lexa’s head bowed, braids falling forward over her shoulder, “We talked about this-”

“You talked about it! You, Lexa, not we. You left us,” Clarke said. You left me, is what she didn’t say. And I don’t blame you, she whispered in the privacy of her own mind, you did what you had to and so did I. Clarke hated that she understood that more than ever now. After pulling the lever and making the choice that led to a thousand deaths, she’d never understood anyone or anything more clearly. But that didn’t mean she didn’t partially resent Lexa for the choice that was given to her, the choice to avoid more bloodshed on her behalf. Her people were safe and her conscious was a clean slate compared to the mess that Clarke’s had become.

“Clarke-”

“ _Do you know what I did_?” It ripped from her throat with enough intensity that it surprised even her. Lexa spun around, her eyes wide as she watched Clarke. “ _I killed them all_!” She covered her face with her hands, a wordless sound of grief wrenching itself from deep within her body. She didn’t cry, though her eyes were raw with unshed tears. “I went into that mountain and I killed them all. The children, the innocent. They’re all dead,”

“Clarke-”

“Shut up!” Clarke dragged her fingers over her eyes, wiping angrily at the moisture that was gathering there, “I trusted you. I _trusted_ you Lexa. We were supposed to do this together and you were supposed to be one of the only people on this fucked up planet that understood what had to be done.” Her face crumpled and she squeezed her eyes shut, “And you _kissed_ me,”

Cool fingers traced the curve of Clarke’s cheek and her eyes snapped open. Lexa stood in front of her, eyes sad. “I do not regret what I did,” Clarke tried to pull away and Lexa held her fast, one hand still cupping her cheek while the other raising to grip Clarke’s shoulder, “I cannot regret what I did. It saved the lives of my people, the ones alive right now and those who have yet to be born. And I do not regret kissing you,” Her eyes searched Clarke’s face, “I regret that you were left alone to do what you had to do,”

“I wasn’t alone, I was with Bellamy,” Clarke shook her head, torn between pulling away and moving closer, “We pulled it together,”

Lexa nodded slightly, eyes still firmly on Clarke’s face, “But the choice was yours, was it not? Just like we made the choice for TonDC. You are a leader Clarke, and you lead alone,”

“Bellamy-”

“Is important to you, I know. And important to your people. But he is not the leader of your people, that mantle falls to you and you alone, just like I am the only Commander of my people,” Lexa let go of her shoulder and stroked Clarke’s hair away from her face, “Why did you come here?”

“I…” Clarke bit her lip and looked away, “I don’t know,”

“Yes you do,” Lexa moved so that Clarke had to look into her eyes again, “Why did you come here? After the battle was won, after you walked away from your people. Why did you come here?” Clarke was silent. “You came because you know I understand. You know I would have made the same choice, had I been in your position just as I know you would have made the same one had you been in my place,”

“I thought I wanted to be alone,” Clarke whispered, voice breaking as the tears she’d been clamping down on ever since she left Bellamy standing at Camp Jaha, finally dripping down her dirty cheeks. “I thought I’d leave the Ark and wander through the woods and-I don’t know. I was already heading in the direction of Polis before I realised where I was going,” She breathed out and shuddered slightly, her lower lip caught between teeth, biting until the metallic taste of blood bloomed on her tongue, “I don’t know if being alone would help or make it worse but I couldn’t look at their faces and know that they were alive because of the blood on my hands,”

“To be a leader is to be alone, Clarke.” Lexa carefully caught one of Clarke’s tears on her finger, holding it up for Clarke to see. “This is what being a leader is about, Clarke. Being alone, bearing the brunt of the grief, the war crimes and the hard choices. You need closure of that, maybe you need to grieve. But you also need to accept that this is not a one time deal. You will be making these choices for the rest of your life,”

“If I go back,” Clarke pointed out and Lexa smiled slightly.

“You’re going back,” She shook her head when Clarke tried to protest, “Maybe not now, maybe not for a while, but you love your people Clarke, you could not turn your back on them forever anymore than I could turn my back on my people,”

“So what do I do until then?”

“You can stay here, if you want. I understand if you would rather not,” Lexa moved away from Clarke then and Clarke found herself missing the warmth of Lexa’s hands. “You can continue to use my horse and travel if that would make you feel better,”

“Your…?” Clarke frowned, “Wait. That horse is yours?”

“From when I was Anya’s Second, yes,” Lexa looked wistful for a second before focusing on Clarke again, “I left her for you in case you had need, she knows where Polis is as well as I do and she’s trained to return here when the food in her trough runs out, in case anything should happen to me.”

“Thats-yeah alright. Thanks, I guess, did you really know I would be coming here before I did?”

“No,” Lexa glanced at Clarke’s lips so quickly that Clarke wondered if she knew she was doing it, “But I hoped,”

“Oh,”

“You don’t have to decide now.” Lexa moved towards the door, “I can show you Polis, if you want,” Clarke bit the inside of her cheek, studying Lexa intently, “Or if you’re tired..?”

“I don’t want-I can’t be around people right now, I just need to. I don’t know. Wrap my head around it?” She hugged herself and shuffled from foot to foot a little awkwardly.

“I understand.” Lexa nodded, “There’s a room to the right of the throne, my bed is there, use that for tonight and I will make arrangements for you to have your own quarters if you decide to stay,” Lexa’s mouth curved slightly as she turned to leave.

“Stay?” Lexa stopped, half out of the door already. “I mean. Not to, you know. Just. Will you stay with me?”

“Yes,” Lexa said after pausing for a second and turning back, letting the door shut behind her, “If you need me to stay then that is what I will do, I will stay” _I will stay now because I couldn’t stay before_. She studied Clarke for another moment before moving again, walking forward until she was inches from Clarke. For a second she thought Lexa might kiss her again, and Clarke wasn’t entirely sure if she wanted to push her away or not, but Lexa just leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Clarke’s shoulders. Clarke blinked for a second, unsure what to do. It wasn’t the first hug that she’d received since the Mountain but it was perhaps the most surprising. After a second, when it felt like Lexa might pull away, Clarke lifted her own arms and hugged her back. She wasn’t sure how long they stood there, though it was long enough that if it were anyone else it might have grown awkward. Lexa smelled like metal and dirt and war paint and nothing like Mount Weather and that was all that mattered at that moment. For the first time since she’d pulled the lever Clarke half believed that this was something she might be able to move past.


End file.
